What makes me really happy is when I find out that someone I know is pursuing their dream job. I had that moment, recently and it makes me so happy. If I was that person to randomly applaud them for that, I would. But since I’m an awkward duck, I wouldn’t be doing that.
I say this because most people, you usually get a practical degree, business. No offense for business majors but when someone gets a degree, they actually choose for themselves. Like a hobby turning to a career. Its gives me goosebumps.
And even if you don’t go college, don’t give up on your hobbies. For one day, they may surprise you and you could make it a career.
I write stories and since I actually haven’t published anything with getting money from, I don’t worry about it. Because I am getting closer and closer. I do plan on publishing something, next year and sure, I can quit my job and do that full time, yet. But I write because I love it and I will wait for years if I have to. I will not force something to only get failure.
One thing, I want to state is NEVER NEVER NEVER let anyone discourage you. That will tear you down and make you want to stop. Don’t listen to the hate. Always hope. Always show patience. There is a better light ahead.
And no, it will not come overnight like most people wish it was. I want to instantly make money, to be famous. Well, here is the truth. Its not going to happen if you have that mindset. You keep thinking like that and you will never get there.
Start by making mini goals. It doesn’t have to be big. Start practicing. Find a website that you can start publishing your work. wattpad, deviantart, or you can get an instagram and share your art (poetry, music, drawing, painting, video, etc).
Slowly but surely, you will get noticed. Someone will appreciate your work that you could be offered a job.
Dream big. Be bold. Be brave. Wait patiently. Show the haters that you can tower over them. And never never give up. The future may feel far away but it is closer than you think.
Since I was little, I keep my thoughts and emotions to myself. I didn’t feel the need to burden people. I took the saying take care of others than yourself seriously. Who would want to hear the feelings or thoughts I had? Who would actually care? I shrugged my shoulders, no one does. They are too busy to notice anything.
And sure, I would lie saying I am fine. Or life is great. When at the time, it wasn’t. The pressure of the teen. Making friends when everyone has already choose their circle of friends. Questioning whether or not to tag along with your brothers and their friends. Then just putting myself in a group even when I felt like an outsider and still do.
Then when I thought my world was fine, it crumbled faster than ever when my grandfather died. And I thought God was punishing me and I felt back and avoided His Word and lied that I read the Bible daily but didn’t at all.
And sure, blocking everyone was not helpful in my journey but losing a childhood friend among the mess I created made my spiritual journey worsen. I felt betrayed. I felt alone. And sure, I’m not a person that loves physical touch but saying anything during my grief would help me a little.
Like most people, people grieve by crying but I didn’t. I push his death aside and I didn’t want to think of losing him. But when hallucinations and dreams, came along. I knew I was truly blocking his death. I didn’t want to accept that he was gone.
From grief, losing a friend like a sister, I thought what better way to heal was to distance myself. To block the friends.
And yes, its been a hot minute, since I actually spoke to people I used to talk in a honest conversation. Of how I feel. Where I stand.
And I still at the stage of trusting anyone on how I feel because the mouth speaking faster and really don’t want to be the gossip. I don’t want the misunderstanding of my words, be something else.
But I was tired of selfishness. I am tired of the hate. I tired of the lies, fakeness, and dishonesty. I tired of small talk. Tired of always trying to communicate when no one wants to show commitment.
Just a few weeks ago, I had to take a break because anxiety attacks came and gone for no reason. I slowly becoming emotional and physical exhausted. Work, stress, stress of why I was so stressed. Trying to make things good but only making things worst. Getting no answers when I was trying so hard to show people that I actually wanted to hang out with them.
But I’m done. Sure, distance shouldn’t break a friendship. But to feel like you are the only one trying to find time in your schedule to hang out. Trying to fix something that was already broken in pieces.
And sure, I was attempting to fix all those years of distancing myself from people. I wanted to be more social but what do I get for trying, nothing.
I’m breaking free. Exposing myself. Being loyal to people but realizing no one actually cares. Or they are just sick of fake excuses of being distance from everyone. Being the last choice for things. Always been left out. No one cares what I love so much.
I honestly don’t care if I lose people from this. I doubt anyone I call a friend will actually read this post. Done trying. I just done.
I’m breaking free from the cage, I created for myself.
Now for new friends, new adventures, and happy memories.
Thanks for reading part one of I’m a open book, tune in next week for another 50 facts about me.
Questions and Answers:
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR NANOWRIMO PROJECT THIS YEAR! GIVE ME A BLURB!
This story was heavily inspired by the anime series, The Last Airbender and superpowers.
When Brianne discovered that she was a mutant in her mother’s womb, everything changed. The worst part of all of this, is that her husband knows nothing about her powers. She pretends to live a normal life as a nurse. But when the outer world breaks the walls, everything comes to a reality. Everything is breaking free, all the hate, all the love, and all the lies. Brianne is clueless what will happen, who would believe her, and who to trust.
WHAT’S THE GENRE?
A new adult contemporary fantasy story
DESCRIBE YOUR MC IN THREE WORDS.
mess, outspoken, caring
WITHOUT SPOILERS, DESCRIBE YOUR VILLAIN IN THREE WORDS.
politic evil mess
WHAT IS YOUR GOAL? (THE TRADITIONAL 50K? 20K? 5K? OR……. 100K?)
Realistic goal: 20k Dream Goal is 30k words
IS THIS YOUR FIRST DRAFT? SECOND? THIRD?
First/Second Draft, the next answer will make sense in a minute..
ARE YOU STARTING A NEW PROJECT (OR DRAFT), OR CONTINUING AN EXISTING ONE?
I am planning on working on a story I did for NaNoWrimo 2017. I wrote around 20k words but for some reason, stopped, abandoned it. So yeah. So instead of finishing the first draft, I am attempting to do a second draft as well.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TIME TO WRITE IN THE DAY?
Last at night. 10pm, 11pm, 12pm, 1am… So who knows if I will get sleep, next month???
WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO WRITE?
On a yellow chair, my desk, or my bed, or the floor.
COMPUTER OR PAPER?
Computer although I might write some scenes on paper when I am not at the house.
NANOWRIMO IS A HUGE COMMITMENT!! HOW ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE TIME TO WRITE?
Read less, stop doing anything creative for a month
ARE YOU GOING TO PARTICIPATE IN LOCAL OR ONLINE NANOWRIMO EVENTS? (E.G. KICK-OFF PARTIES IN YOUR CITY, WRITE-INS, VIRTUAL WRITING SPRINTS…)
I probably will not do anything local. Maybe online events.. Maybe. Who knows??
DO YOU WRITE FROM BEGINNING TO END OR SKIP AROUND?
I usually skip around but since I am doing a second draft as well. I will probably work from beginning to end.
PLANNER OR PANTSER? (OR PLANTSER?)
Panster for the most part. This year, I am planster. I know what will happen, and what I should cover on, but things could happen.
WHAT WILL BE YOUR GO-TO NANOWRIMO SNACK?
Carrots, I been obsessed with them recently. I will snack on some cucumber and celery. Got to be healthy for once…
CHOICE OF CAFFEINE? (OR NO CAFFEINE?)
Coffee, tea, and water.
ANY REWARDS FOR MILESTONE ACHIEVEMENTS? FOR FINISHING NANOWRIMO?
Buy a typewriter, buying clothes
SHARE A TIP FOR OTHER NANO-ERS!
Remember to sleep and eat
HOW ARE YOU FEELING ABOUT NANOWRIMO? (EXCITED?! NERVOUS!? TERRIFIED?!)
Nervous, that I will get writer’s block. But excited to get this story out in the open.
SHARE AN AESTHETIC FOR YOUR NANOWRIMO NOVEL!
Lets just, I am too lazy or my story is really complex. Here is my Pinterest Board.
Tag anyone who wants to do this tag.
Thanks for reading!!!
I am currently an affiliate for Cozy Candle so what better way to market the products by doing a product review.
Before I talk about the product, tell me discuss the company itself.
Cozy Candle originated Cleveland, Ohio, where the founder, B. Word Productions hand poured 100% soy wax candles during his junior year of Cleveland State University. Now the company now resides in Dallas, Texas.
What are in products, avoid harmful chemicals? Don’t worry, Cozy Candles got you.
So recently, I got the fall edition samples and I thought what better way to show my love of this collection but share the names of the candle and what each of them smell like.
The first one in the collection is Butter Pecan Waffles. Now you can drool for this one, I didn’t and almost ate the candle wax and no, I am not kidding. update: I ate the candle wax. Its amazing. Its taste as much as it smells like butter pecan waffles. Don’t judge me. XD
The second one is Peppermint. Sure, peppermint. Why would they put in a fall collection? Don’t be a spoil sport, will ya? Its taste like peppermint, yes, I am currently tasting candles wax now.
The third one is Vanilla Sugar Cookie. This is one is amazing. I may or may have not almost eaten the whole candle wax.
The fourth one is Fall Leaves. Its reminds me of apple pie, candy corn, apple cider, and fall. Its probably one of my favorites of the collection.
The fifth one is White Woods. Its basically all the scents you get when you are deep in the woods. mahogany, red woods and black cypress and back notes of musk, amber wood, velvet moss and leather. Its my second favorite one. Its wonderful in honesty.
The sixth one is Snickerdoodle. Another cookie scent, please we need another one. Yes, yes, we do. I don’t eat it, I don’t recommend it. Its strong. Strong like snickerdoodle but its smells delicious.
The seventh one is Creme Brulee. Its smells just like one. Caramelized vanilla. I didn’t taste no. It was too good for that.
The eighth and last one of the collection is Fall Sulaf. If you are craving a pumpkin pie but not wanting to make one. Just buy this one. Its smells like it. It taste like it too.
You guys should honestly go check out the collection and buy some.
The prices for the candles:
COZY melt: $5.98
4oz – $5.98
Check out Cozy Candles and let me know which scent they should make next.
“But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart”- 1 Samuel 16:7
Stop looking at the outer appearance and look at the person’s character/personality, the words and actions, they say and do. Because that is the only way to live. This is how I live. I don’t judge. I show kindness because everyone is equal. We were related through Adam, the first human, God created. That is not why I am not a “feminist”, why I don’t hate on men. Why I refuse the word, racist. Why do people judge what someone looks like? Its disguising and unlike Christ. Racist for me is hate and as a Christians, we should love everyone because everyone is a sinner. Everyone is put into the a state of brokenness because of sin. Everyone is hurting inside. This is I show kindness to everyone. Kindness is the best thing you can give anyone. Its makes them smile. Its shows them the love of Christ.
For me, this is how I choose friends. And yes, I have judged people, I stood myself on pedestal and thought I was better than anyone else. I stopped myself. We are only human. People have feelings. Would you like someone to judge you on how you judge them? Stop being judgmental. Show love. Show kindness.
I thank people who work for the people. Retail (cashiers, sales associates), food industry (fast food workers, waiters, chefs). Sure, they are others but those who I see on a daily basis. I say hello, thank you, have a great day. I say these things not because its manners but because I want to. I want to show kindness. I want to show love.
“For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God” – Romans 3:23
I don’t care if you are black, white, Asian, South American, gay, or transgender. Why would you be kind to some of those people? They are sinning against God. We are all sinning and sure, some sins are worst than others but doesn’t give us the right to look down on them on pedestal. Its makes us like the rabbis who judged Jesus on His life on earth. Do you want to known as hypocrites?
Today, society makes fun of people’s appearance. Its like its hilarious. Lets make fun of plus sizes, skinny people. They are human too. Your words hurt people. They can cause self harm, beating down someone’s confidence, and some cases, suicide. Remember that each person you interact with is a human and they are have feelings.
Show love. Not hate.
Thanks for reading!!
Someone told me, I shouldn’t give out advice in relationships because I never have had a boyfriend. But I have seen people. I have observed people, I know the way they act, how they talk to each other, and how they touch one another. Many of them are married now and are excepted a child or have a kid or two. Maybe its because I never had my heart ripped in half. Or felt betrayed or abandoned. Never been cheated on. Or never had the feelings of butterflies in my stomach.
Ok, I am leaving the chat but guess what I am not leaving. Sure, never I had one but I probably know what a relationship should be. Yes, I have expectations and yes, I know none of my expectations will happen. And no, I am not waiting for a Prince Charming. I’m not looking for someone right now. I taking care of myself first.
There are so many types of relationship but for today, I am talking about the romantic kind. Yeah, the relationship between a boy and girl. That one, the one I avoid talking it. I gag at the sight of it and then sometimes I wish I had a boyfriend. What is wrong with my brain???
But guess what? I know what a real relationship is. I observe and notice things. I notice that girls and guys get jealous. I can see a bad relationship on how they act toward other people. I notice the marks, their significant other gives. The bad. The good. I know what a true relationship and I know that sex has nothing to do with it. Surprise, I am not idiot. No applause.. Go figure.. I kid. I kid. Sort of.
Ok, a relationship. A romantic relationship is something is so rare because its different for everyone. People have only one boyfriend. Or people have several. People date for only a year and then get married. Some people date for years before marriage comes in mind. Some people just date for years and never think about marriage. I would tell you what I prefer but this post is not about me telling what I prefer. Maybe another time. Another post.
Ok, what I believe a relationship should be.
A relationship, a communication bond with two people. Honesty is key for any relationship but it is vital for this relationship. Because without it, how are you to trust your second half?
Doubt fills the air and then you question if your other is cheating, lying.
Honesty something that allows you to open up. The little things that you will open to and be so happy more as you share with your partner.
Then there is trust, if you have honesty, you will have trust. So when something happens, you know you have each other’s back. Sure, they will be times, you or your partner will not be there for you right away. Patience also is a key. They will come. They will comfort you. Don’t think they will comfort the way you want because everyone has a way of comforting. Some, do physical touch and others just comfort you with words.
Physical touch and affection. Touching the person you love is good because they know you care for them. At first the touch such like hand holding, fingers touching, hugging and the impossibly awkward, kissing. Sure, some people prefer to have their first kiss at their wedding but not everyone does that. Physical touch/affection is key.
Its surprising that long ago, people were forced to be married off to strangers basically. And physical touch was like a forced interaction. Or there are some people who didn’t have their first touch until after the wedding. Touch can be awkward at first but its probably is the best thing in any relationship
Every day, we interact with other people, strangers at the store, our family and friends. But the best thing is when you can touch the person, you love. Because what if you couldn’t touch that person because of a sickness or touch was illegal. I know its not real but think hypothetically. Because with touch, how you comfort, love, and protect your significant other? Yeah, didn’t think about. Thank you, Five Feet Apart. Also thank you, for ripping my heart in half.
Today, the world thinks romance is a game and a toxic relationship is entertainment. They forget the importance of the relationship. Its not a relationship, its a desire. Its a want. I want you, I have to have you to be happy.
And then adultery is fun which its not. Its a sin. But if we look in society’s eyes, its fine. Its the best thing. Because who cares of the values of a relationship, because sex is the only thing is important. Then things happen and your significant other is pregnant and you are clueless how you provide for you and your love.
This romantic relationship should be taken serious. It will change your life. It will shape your future.
Thanks for reading!
From the single girl, who pretends she is a relationship guru.