A Life Update through poetry

lifestyle, writing

Five years I felt the pain of sorrow

And now I feel like its repeating itself.

The strings of my heart are being tugged

Even now I am hiding it from human’s eyes.

I had shut the world out.

Being a timid and emotionless person was easy to be.

I was safe.

I kept people safe from my uncontrollable emotions

Now I still hide in that shell.

Afraid of what people would say if I told them the truth

Would they care less?

Or just laugh at me?

Pity me?

I’m just a hidden shell of insecurities and trust issues.

From losing a loved one. To losing a close friend who was almost like sister.

Now knowing a childhood friend is gone away

And will be only seen them until I be in the grave.

I am afraid. I will never open up again. Afraid I will be my old self.

Being that awkward teen who only hanged out with her older brothers’ friends.

Confused who to talk to.

I am lost soul.

You look at me online and see me as outgoing.

But in reality, its all lies.

You would think I would cried over the sorrow I experienced

But I hid it under my skin

Until the sadness became nightmares and hallucinations

I think something wrong with me.

Why do I cry when I laugh?

And not when I am sad.

Is something wrong with me?

I probably should see someone for this.

But even again, they will probably put me on meds

And I can’t have that again.

I have seizures when I was a child.

And barely survived the daily medicine I had to take.

It was not bad.

But to have a repeated past

would honestly break me.

Seeking God is my top priority 

Praying and reading the bible is my only comfort now.

I pray and dream of the day I will be outgoing for only a moment.

But that seems so far away.

Now I must wait for the plans He has for me.



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