Category Archives: lifestyle

One of the rawest things I will ever publish

This collection of works, I plan on publishing mid September. The truest and rawest things I have ever written. Poems that showcase my struggles through the years, the loss of a childhood friend , and a family member. A best friend to friend and now to acquaintance. My feelings of breaking free from a crush. Liking someone who I will have to avoid even more since I did send this collection of works to him. Because for some reason, I was brave enough to do that. Now wishing I should go back in time and reverse everything. Yeah, now to wait for his reply. The worst moments for the rest of my life.

(If you are reading this, and you know who I am talking about it and if this thing I wrote for is real. And my feelings are real. And now I am currently hate myself. And if this things blooms into something more. I was the first to tell my feelings and not you. Yeah.. email or text me instead of talking to me because I will probably avoid you for the rest of my life. And no, I don’t hate you. I am afraid of embarrassing myself and looking like a complete idiot.

Poetry is probably the only time, you will see me be true of myself. To express my feelings to the public. A creative output that allows me go free verse. I am not afraid of what others think of my poetry. Its free and its my own. Be grateful, I don’t have a good voice because I could be singing my feelings. That pro in all of this.

Just wanted to tell you something about this collection of works. New post coming this Saturday.

Downton Abbey Series Review

All Spoilers are revealed. If you love Downton Abbey, leave now. This is dislike rant. A “hate” of this TV show. This is my opinions so you can dislike what I say but please don’t hate me in the comment section below. Lets begin..

Downton Abbey:

Downton Abbey is a historical period drama television series set in England in the early 20th century, created by Julian Fellowes and co-produced by Carnival Films and Masterpiece. (Wikipedia summary, not mine)

To describe the main characters in one word.

Robert Crawley: Pig, slut Reason: when his wife was sick, he decides to sleep with the lady’s maid, yikes.

Cora Crawley: Flirt

Lady Mary: Slut, Slut, and slut…. Sleeping with the foreign guy, he dies.. and then she is part of a scandal.. Sleeps with a man for a week and then refuses to marry him.. And somehow doesn’t sleep with the two people she marries… ok then…

Lady Edith: Adulterer and Blackmailer, She is a slut but didn’t choose to sleep with every guy she liked which was rare. First guy she sleeps with, gets pregnant, has a child and goes crazy and instead of telling her parents, she hides for the longest time only for the father found out last…

Lady Sybil: A “rebel”.. aka she married a man lower than her class… my favorite..

Footman Thomas: Gay, and no one is wants to tell the law but everyone knows he is gay.. ok then.

Dislikes:

Sex scenes in detail, details mentioned above, maids hooking up with guests of their boss,

Sodomites: Thomas, footman, Philip, Duke of Crowborough

Everybody gets away. Edith gets her happy ending even when she tells the truth about her daughter

Love: Feud between Isobel and Violet

Alfred…

OTP John and Anna Bates

Lady Rose’s behavior

Rating the show: 2.9 star… I am not that heartless

I would recommend for those who would like to watch it.. be 18+.. The first episode surprised me when I first watched it.. If you enjoy BBC or Poldark and can surpass the inappropriateness of the show, you will probably like it.

What show or movie, should I review next?

In the comments below, let me what your review is on this show…

Dear Hollywood, get some new ideas. Sincerely everyone

Dear Hollywood, get some original ideas. Stop redoing the old movies. Midway, stop taking history and mixing it into your own way. Stop using musicals and turning them to movies. *coughs* Cats… yeah, I know what the original is, yeah, I know I am old.

Lets take Endgame Marvel. Instead of ending a franchise with that movie. Lets make Black Widow, all though the actress did say in the first making of Avengers, she didn’t want a movie but of course, we want more money. Lets add some marvel TV shows have more money. Like they don’t have enough money already.

So, we have no good ideas, so use death as entertainment. Its perfectly fine to use triggering topics like suicide, self harm, and depression. I know Netflix is not Hollywood but they make movies and for me anyone who makes money. Or I can use Me Before You since it was made by Hollywood. To summarize the movie: A romance between a caregiver and disabled man. Then at the end of story, the caregiver supports the disable man committing suicide. What? This love, people say. I am so confused. Then when you see on the news that a girlfriend is committed a crime when she pushes her boyfriend to commit suicide. I know not the same thing but sort of is. Its not realistic. And how is a great movie, hmm?

And then Netflix drama, I have. 15 Reasons Why…. After it aired, I heard on the news that teen girls were committed suicide and only later did the mourning parents find out its from this show.. And this show is great, how? Celebrities applauded it while kids are killing themselves. Like, am I the only one noticing that?

Then lets you get to the some way deeper.. toxic relationships…. And the movie, I am about mention is a rated R movie and no, I have never seen it and no I don’t plan on doing. The reasons I know of this movie is every since the movies came out, ads of it kept opening everywhere for it, TV commercials, or Pandora/YouTube/Spotify ads. I had to cautious when my siblings around making sure it was muted when the ad would show up. Fifty Shades of Grey. Summary basically: girl met rich boy, he tortures her through the movie, she thinks it love, they get married, and then he gets killed. I don’t get it. People love it. Its R movie, yes, but people loved it. But when in the news, people abuse other people, its a bad thing. And this is looked upon with great entertainment. Yeah.. get a better perspective Hollywood.

Even as a Christian, I know some people are sick of Hollywood’s ideas and perspective of things.

Don’t remake old movies, when you have no movie ideas. Don’t treat something dangerous as entertainment. Start asking the public what they would like for a movie. Maybe make book adaptions, people want to actually see.

Dear Hollywood, make get new ideas,

Sincerely,

Everyone!!!

Life is Precious



They told you that God is love. But you don’t see that. You were abandoned in an event of your life. A loved one died. You were abused. You were raped. An unexpected pregnancy. All the emotions hit you hard like a hurricane and then you blame Him. You think maybe if I curse Him, I will feel better. Or if I just give myself to the world by blood and death everything will be over.

Now you lay on a marble bathtub in the middle of nowhere in a motel room. Staring at the ceiling and question if killing yourself will satisfy your needs. But lets just pause there before you do anything rash.

What is the reason for this action? Is it to satisfy your needs like I state above? Or do you think people applaud you after you kill yourself? And I wouldn’t be lying if people actually say or do that?

Lets pock at a TV show that reflects this. 13 Reason Why. A teen girl kills herself because she was raped and blackmailed. People enjoy this show. Of course, things after this show aired that you wouldn’t suprised that people petitioned it to be canceled. The reason is that killing oneself is like a joke. Its entertainment. Young girls were triggered from this show and killed themselves. Only for the parents to learn later after they died what the cause of it all. This is sickening.

Lets stop take another example of selfish love. Me before You by Jojo Moyers. This story is disgusting. An disturbing ending for a popular romance book. I am confused why is this a great story? I love you so much that I support yourself killing yourself in an illegal matter. If you can’t live life as a paralyzed, then should murder yourself. And no, I am not ratting the author. I am just stating my opinion.

See that I changed killed to murder yourself because you are murder a body even if its your own. God states, “The soul that sinneth, it shall die.” (Ezekiel 18:2)

Murder is the seven deadly sins. Murder is a criminal, unholy, unrighteous act. Murder is like following the footsteps of the Devil. A fallen angel who only wants to kill all men.

This will be finally example before I make my conclusion. I told myself I wouldn’t mention politics but really. It only started in the politics ever since the bill came up several years ago. And if you guessed it how does it reflect selfish love? Women’s rights even when women’s bodies don’t belong to us. Everything comes from God so why this now? People want to be feminist and think their feelings are more important than the Creator that made them. And for killing an unborn baby is ok? Maybe you are some who are against my views on the matter.

So what if you had to watch your child as baby be ripped from womb and killed right in front of you? Or watch as your child thrown in a pit of beasts and they rip she/he apart. That is ok? The only difference in the modern world is that we are put to sleep for the process so how really knows what the doctors at abortion centers are actually doing.

Life is Precious. Don’t risk your own. If you are now question me, how can I be saved from all of this? I almost thought of killing myself and have killed an unborn child. Don’t lose hope. God is love. He will cleanse and forgive. And if you don’t believe me.

Christ healed and forgave a leprosy, adultery, a thief, murderer, lesbian, liar, sinner, prideful man, a greedy man, an envious man, etc. Christ heals all men with any background. He doesn’t care what gender or race you are. He loves you.

" When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken"- Psalm 34:17-20


Now you want help. Or you don't know what is next. I am no expert. So you can seek a local pastor, christian counselor or you could read the Bible.

If you are still reading and seeking help for suicidal thoughts go no other place than here.

Thanks for reading!



GOD VS FEELINGS

Welcome, owlnerds. This message are for you and all the people. If you do follow me, I wouldn’t be surprised if you unfollowed or unsubscribed but the truth must be shown.

Something today, the world struggles with feelings. We base everything on feelings. We don’t think of the most important things. If something doesn’t sit right with ourselves we flash hate at them. Feelings the reason our society has scrapped the word gender. Why we have to watch our tongue with pronouns? Oh, no someone will be offended like it has been happening before this. No, way? *rolls my eyes* It’s stupid. Just stupid even corporations are practicing the use of pronouns. Really? Why? Today I feel like a man. Oh, I am a woman today. I am genderless, excuse me. Your life is not based on your feelings and thoughts. I am sorry to tell you that but it’s true. 

Even your birth certificate didn’t choose your gender. Wow. You did it. Your feelings told to ignore them. This thing, you have where feelings are more important is called sin.  Temptations push against your conscience and tell you are free to do whatever you want. 

Which is more important God or Feelings? God doesn’t say your feelings should guide your life. No, My Word should. 

Your feelings just want to be heard that is why people are being pressured to things to fit the crowds. This is why we think we fall in “love” with the same gender. This is why we kill babies. This is why people die. Feelings are not going to save the world. 

God is. If only you would notice Him. You know He chooses to create you. He could have not to put you in existence. But He chooses to do so because of the love of His Son. God is real and everlasting but feelings disappear. Feelings lead to temptations and temptations lead to sin. 

What is more important you or God? Did you not read that ME ME ME game in life gets you nowhere? 

But God first, read His Word, Follow Christ. Repent your sin leads you more to Him and eternal life. 

Which would you choose? 

Journal Entry: Letting Go

Welcome back to a new post, owlnerds. Today I share a journal entry. I am currently in the progress of moving my second blog stuff to here. I thought best to work on one blog instead of juggling two. So there will be blog posts from my other blog. You have been warned.

(From Feb. 11, 2019)



So this blog post is long overdue. I probably avoiding this post for the longest even before I launched this blog itself. I told myself I would never write this but I think if you write something down it is easier to let go of the situation.

Letting go of a situation you can’t control at all is a struggle. I have been struggling it, especially with this situation. I wouldn’t go into details but if you know me you probably what the story is about. Or now know the real reason behind some of my recent actions I been doing. So I know this person for the longest time and we promised to go to the same places (college, living together, and such) but this idea we had was not the same of what God wanted. And for one, I didn’t want this to happen. And for years, I saw signs but ignored it. Since I have a tendency to give people ton of second chances.

The first signs of this were I had this person and another person really close to me but they clash. And that person knew fell apart and I couldn’t believe it happen.

The other person we got closer but slowly we fell apart. We were not close friends anymore and the worst thing is that I am too afraid to talk to the person and ask what we are anymore. Since I am afraid of being shattered again. The other worst thing about is that I see this person at least one week and I always seem to pass this person. It really is a struggle and fear I have still never get over it. So prayer would is much needed.

And being who I am, wrote poems to express my mixed feeling toward them and no one actually knows the real reason behind those poems. I really just lost myself in this. I now avoid getting close to people or making new friends because I am afraid the past will repeat itself. If you are a friend reading this, I am sorry I have been distant and it isn’t because of my introverted nature, it’s because of this.

Now I write the harder part of this post. Another thing, I struggle to let go. So around five years ago and everything was going well. A new year was happening and everything was fine until one day my family received news that would change my life forever. The news was that my grandfather I died from unknown reasons. I had already been struggling since I saw him in the hospital with blood clots in his legs around a year before. But to lose him, I think I froze. And once you hear some sad like this, you would cry and get emotional but I just didn’t. I refused to believe it. My best friend was gone. The closest family member, I had was gone. The worst thing is that I don’t know if he is heaven since he never gave testimony in his belief in God so I was basically devasted.

When people say you will see them in heaven and I know it is in God’s power whether or not he is heaven or not. But this is another thing shattered me. I shut all emotion out and started to see hallucinations of him whenever we drove to places. We would be driving I would see someone that looked like him on the side of the road but no one was actually there. I was just imagining it. The hardest thing, when you are at the store and you see someone that looks at him but know isn’t since he is not here anymore.

Its been a struggle the past several years and I still am affected by it. This is the reason why it is so hard for me to let go. And of course, they are just memories. I am trusting God in all of this. Yeah, the real reason behind my distance toward people. Thanks for reading.



Life Update

Happy Memorial Day!! Or happy Monday to all my international owlnerds.

I hope you enjoyed your day.. You could say I did… but I did start a second part time job today. (I will not be sharing that information).

#beindependent

This months total:

Writing: 5.5k words

Read: 2 books…

Three songs on repeat:

Only Want You by Rita Ora

What A Time by Julia Michaels

Out of Love by Alessia Cara

Next month goals:

write 5k words

Finish a writing project and possibly sharing it online.

Read: 5 books

Thanks for reading!!! Be back next week for a new blog post!!

Giveaway Time

Welcome back, owlnerds!! Its been long time. I have decided to do my first giveaway!! 🙂 What better way to celebrate the end of school by giving away a $25 gift card to Amazon.

The rules:

Follow my blog

Like this blog

Comment and tell me what you are planning on doing this summer.

The Giveaway Ends May 15th, 2019.

Digital Amazon $25 Gift Card

Enjoy!!! 🙂 Have Fun!!

A Life Update through poetry

Five years I felt the pain of sorrow

And now I feel like its repeating itself.

The strings of my heart are being tugged

Even now I am hiding it from human’s eyes.

I had shut the world out.

Being a timid and emotionless person was easy to be.

I was safe.

I kept people safe from my uncontrollable emotions

Now I still hide in that shell.

Afraid of what people would say if I told them the truth

Would they care less?

Or just laugh at me?

Pity me?

I’m just a hidden shell of insecurities and trust issues.

From losing a loved one. To losing a close friend who was almost like sister.

Now knowing a childhood friend is gone away

And will be only seen them until I be in the grave.

I am afraid. I will never open up again. Afraid I will be my old self.

Being that awkward teen who only hanged out with her older brothers’ friends.

Confused who to talk to.

I am lost soul.

You look at me online and see me as outgoing.

But in reality, its all lies.

You would think I would cried over the sorrow I experienced

But I hid it under my skin

Until the sadness became nightmares and hallucinations

I think something wrong with me.

Why do I cry when I laugh?

And not when I am sad.

Is something wrong with me?

I probably should see someone for this.

But even again, they will probably put me on meds

And I can’t have that again.

I have seizures when I was a child.

And barely survived the daily medicine I had to take.

It was not bad.

But to have a repeated past

would honestly break me.

Seeking God is my top priority 

Praying and reading the bible is my only comfort now.

I pray and dream of the day I will be outgoing for only a moment.

But that seems so far away.

Now I must wait for the plans He has for me.



Realistic Checklist – 2019

It’s going to be a shorter post but its a great post. A little off my writing/book theme, but you know. My usual routine will return. So the end of the year is near, so I decided to give you a checklist of all the things I plan on doing the year of 2019. 

  1. Donate Blood. I have been avoiding doing this for the longest time. 
  2.  Go to a concert whether it be Lauren Daigle or King and Country.
  3. Travel. I will really be traveling to local cities and have adventures there. If I am lucky, maybe places that are up to seven hours to drive from home. I am basically broke bookworm/writer and visiting Europe is the last thing I need to do to break the bank. 🙂
  4. Do something spontaneous like ziplining or skydiving.
  5. Volunteer whether it be at a local animal center, library, etc.
  6. Take a self-defense class.
  7. Expand my wardrobe. Transform to that edgy boho style. 

Only seven things, why? I will actually do them, shockingly enough. I made a resolution of this year and failed greatly. I have learned from that lesson. Thanks for reading.