One of the rawest things I will ever publish

lifestyle

This collection of works, I plan on publishing mid September. The truest and rawest things I have ever written. Poems that showcase my struggles through the years, the loss of a childhood friend , and a family member. A best friend to friend and now to acquaintance. My feelings of breaking free from a crush. Liking someone who I will have to avoid even more since I did send this collection of works to him. Because for some reason, I was brave enough to do that. Now wishing I should go back in time and reverse everything. Yeah, now to wait for his reply. The worst moments for the rest of my life.

(If you are reading this, and you know who I am talking about it and if this thing I wrote for is real. And my feelings are real. And now I am currently hate myself. And if this things blooms into something more. I was the first to tell my feelings and not you. Yeah.. email or text me instead of talking to me because I will probably avoid you for the rest of my life. And no, I don’t hate you. I am afraid of embarrassing myself and looking like a complete idiot.

Poetry is probably the only time, you will see me be true of myself. To express my feelings to the public. A creative output that allows me go free verse. I am not afraid of what others think of my poetry. Its free and its my own. Be grateful, I don’t have a good voice because I could be singing my feelings. That pro in all of this.

Just wanted to tell you something about this collection of works. New post coming this Saturday.

Under the Grave: A Poem

writing

Welcome back, owlnerds! I am currently open to blog post ideas.

Here is a poem, I wrote a few weeks enjoy!

I laid there silent and cold

As the world continued on

Under the surface of where people walk

Talked and embraced

Clueless of what will happen next 

After the service where people throw dirt

Upon the new bed, I now lay on

I am dead as a doorknob

I can’t think of the memories

I once had.

Or the sweet and soft touch of my beloved.

Will I go to heaven or hell?

Before we die, we look at two options

Chained and tortured in hell forever

Or fellowshipping with Jesus and deceased loved ones.  

I for one do not skip a heartbeat 

I know I will go to heaven

I believe Him as the One True God

His Son came down to earth

He chose me with the filth

 And wickedness, I carry.

Lord willing, He will open the gates of heaven 

And greet me with open arms

And now you are questioning 

If I know if I will see my loved ones in heaven

And no, I don’t. 

But I trust Him. 

There comes a time

Where we will die or 

We find out that someone close died

Its a sad time but we should rejoice

 That we will meet again in heaven.

Death, a thing which is unnatural in our way of life

A thing we shouldn’t take lightly

Created by our ancestors

The founding father of man, Adam

 And ourselves for we are from him.

We were tempted by the serpent 

To disobey God 

For we believed that we would become a

Godlike such like

 Our Father who made

But it was lies.

Now we are dead. 

Under the ground

Cold and alone

 Preparing for our judgment

The time is drawing near

And whether  or not

We will be under grave

Is a question

That will be soon answered.

Emotions

writing

Another poetry post. I honestly don’t care if any of you decide to unsubscribe. I am clueless what do with this blog. I feel like I failed by not doing weekly posts like I promised from the beginning.

So without further ado, here goes nothing.

I think the hardest thing to do is to breathe

To cry

To let your emotions break free

But it so easy to bury them

To pretend everything is ok

To look as though everything is under control

To hid it under your skin

When all you want do is scream

Hit a wall

Or maybe its this year

Where I release everything

That shatters my mirror

Hurts me worse than bruises

Emotions or overreacting

Like people will say?

I am just overreacting?

Or I losing myself completely?

Who knows anymore?

The fear now is if I will ever return to normal.

If normal is the new thing

Or will have this thing

Digging at me

My whole life

Destroy all the relationships

I hold dearly

Or will it ruin a new relationship

I come across.

Who knows anymore?

Thanks for reading.. maybe next week I will have a more uplifting post.. Maybe?

A Life Update through poetry

lifestyle, writing

Five years I felt the pain of sorrow

And now I feel like its repeating itself.

The strings of my heart are being tugged

Even now I am hiding it from human’s eyes.

I had shut the world out.

Being a timid and emotionless person was easy to be.

I was safe.

I kept people safe from my uncontrollable emotions

Now I still hide in that shell.

Afraid of what people would say if I told them the truth

Would they care less?

Or just laugh at me?

Pity me?

I’m just a hidden shell of insecurities and trust issues.

From losing a loved one. To losing a close friend who was almost like sister.

Now knowing a childhood friend is gone away

And will be only seen them until I be in the grave.

I am afraid. I will never open up again. Afraid I will be my old self.

Being that awkward teen who only hanged out with her older brothers’ friends.

Confused who to talk to.

I am lost soul.

You look at me online and see me as outgoing.

But in reality, its all lies.

You would think I would cried over the sorrow I experienced

But I hid it under my skin

Until the sadness became nightmares and hallucinations

I think something wrong with me.

Why do I cry when I laugh?

And not when I am sad.

Is something wrong with me?

I probably should see someone for this.

But even again, they will probably put me on meds

And I can’t have that again.

I have seizures when I was a child.

And barely survived the daily medicine I had to take.

It was not bad.

But to have a repeated past

would honestly break me.

Seeking God is my top priority 

Praying and reading the bible is my only comfort now.

I pray and dream of the day I will be outgoing for only a moment.

But that seems so far away.

Now I must wait for the plans He has for me.



A poem: A Crush

writing

People say you don’t know love

But you say you do

Looking at your sweetheart

Through the corner of your eye 

But not saying a word 

Not thinking one thing 

Except maybe I’m in love.


Maybe it’s not love

But liking that special someone

Or avoiding that person

For long periods of time

Since you are afraid 

Of what she or he will say.

Maybe its a category of love

Maybe just maybe?

Maybe I know nothing of love

Since I never been 

In a relationship?

Maybe I am clueless 

To even notice a difference

Between like or love

Maybe I’m dumbstruck

Maybe or maybe not?

Love is this thing

Which so hard

To explain

And songs can never explain it

Even if they tried.

Or maybe I am just losing it

And never will experience

This thing we call love. 

Maybe or maybe not? 

If My Heart Could Speak

books, writing

Welcome back, owlnerds. This week, I will be sharing a poem wrote this past weekend. Enjoy!!!

If my heart could speak

If my life could collapse

The world would disappear

Into the thinness of nothing

If my cold feet

Couldn’t surface

The endless beings

Of this world and be on

I would take away everything.

My own being, my own mind.

My own fears and trusts

Life is like an existing pain with light

At the end of the road

And we are so afraid

Of that light

That we cast away

In the shadows

Of those lost souls

That refuse to believe in anything

And we become cursed

As our souls begin

To disappear in thin air.

 

 

 

 

A Teacher Like You

lifestyle, writing

I wrote this free verse poem for my high school English teacher. Please enjoy!

Clashes of fiery fury

Breaks not the attitude

Of thy soul.

Thy kindness is the way

To behold.

Your wittiness outnumbers

All brokenness within.

Imperfect or perfect

It truly doesn’t matter.

All I wish to say

Is thank you.

Thank you for healing

Our hardships of tomorrow.

Reopening our weak minds  

With knowledge and gratitude.

Destroying the awkwardness

Of our very silence

You bring joy

To us all.

Again I say,

Thank you.

See ya next week, owlnerds. 🙂

A Reminder (A poem of mine)

writing

People call me weird.
People judge

When one shouldn’t judge others.
Like a mannequin on display
I stand there
Waiting, hoping for their approval.
Where there should be none.

Your life should not be surrounded by the world.

Your life is your life.

Given by God.

Don’t wait for someone to let you live.

Live for yourself.

Don’t change your body

So that you are loved by others.

Be yourself.

Rock your style.

You are worthy.

Don’t be afraid of the wolves

Hidden in the crowds.

Be fearless.

Stand tall.

You are worthy.

 

Thanks for reading. 🙂